SAHM starting a business.

I already have a business in the motor trade, but since my husband has to give up his work because he is always getting infections, he came to work with me and my dad and took a massive pay cut.

This means we can’t afford child care. I could go on benefits and get it paid but that’s not my style!!!

I have to spend 80% of the week at home with my boy, until the days my mum can have him so I can go to work.

I work for the business from home but since my husband does the labour work with my dad my work load has been cut.

Some might say that I’m lucky…I know I am…but I’ve worked full time since 16 and I even studied at university for 2 years whilst working full time. I always have to keep busy.

If looking after the family business and a child and dog, oh and my amputee husband, I have also just started a new online clothing company! I’m currently getting all the stock sorted and sorting all the items for our model to do the shoot for the website. It’s exciting, but scary.

We have put so much time and so much money into something we might not even see a return from!

In life you have to take risks and starting a business is a huge risk. You have to work 24/7 especially at the start, sleepless nights, stress, worry, all the emotions going, will it be worth it?….I don’t know….but it’s always been a dream for a number of years to have my own clothes shop, so this is a start. It might be the finish too if it does not work but I’m going to try.

One things for sure. I will not be turning my back on our other business, that’s been going over 15 years, I have to learn to balance them both and make them both my priority. I’m doing it all to try and give my child a fantastic future.

My mum and dad have strived all their life to work and built up what they have. I get it from them, I’m hoping that if all fails, my boy will know we worked as hard as we could and took risks…..but most of all….we tried!!

Fingers crossed xxx

Don’t judge me by what you ‘see’….

Most people get excited about a week or two away from work, away from any stress, away from any awkward clients/customers, turn their emails onto out of office, and get ready for some downtime! However As we’re a small family business, when me and my hubby go away, my dad’s left on his own to do all the work, except the office work, the accounts and paperwork is all down to me. The emails are all sorted by me, the missing invoices customers ask for before making a payment, all down to me. With one less body in the workshop too it means not as much work can be done.

As a small business with stupid outgoings before we even think about taking a small wage., we have to factor in any holidays we want to take, and make sure we have back up funds so our wages and bills still get paid while we are away. (Sometimes we don’t get a wage at all)

While away (wherever that may be) I always receive phone calls or texts or emails off customers, with queries, or asking for copy invoices, or asking if they can book a vehicle in. It’s never a relaxing holiday. However!! It is for us!!

Our holidays consist of usually doing 1/2 the work just in a different place.

I will always remember going on honeymoon to Mexico, we were onto our 3rd day, and at 3 in the morning I was woken by a phone call by a customer asking if he could make a payment next week as he couldn’t afford it this week.

A couple of days later I was answering emails so the customer Didn’t think I was ignoring them.

It’s non stop, although an email can take minutes to answer, it’s still their and your still involved and you never feel like you’ve had a break!

The only week o have had away from everything and just ignored everything was when I gave birth, on the second week though I was back to answering emails and sending invoices etc before been back in the office 2 weeks after giving birth.

Some people look at my house and see I’m home a lot with my little boy and drive a nice car, they think it’s easy, it’s simple, it’s a life they want……I always grew up wanting this life……but sometimes I’m not so sure it’s worth it!

What everyone doesn’t see, are the 11pm nights still doing invoicing or scanning, the weekends going on a family day out while answering emails in the car, the planning that has to be put in place months before we go away for a weekend! The mornings where I would get in from driving all day at 1am and then the phone would ring to ‘nip’ to Ireland at 5am…..the nights I missed out on with my friends because I was working late or had to be up early in the morning. The special days (Easter Sunday for one) where me and my boy get up to have a family day to find out daddy’s had to go to work.

Don’t always believe what you see!!.

Mummy’s with No sleep

Being a mummy is hard work all the time. I’ve always enjoyed been a mummy and wouldn’t change it for the world. The only ones I struggle and when I get hardly any sleep. When my son was a baby, he would only sleep an hour and a half then up for a bottle again. After 6 months I used to get other mummy’s saying ‘oh mine sleeps through now, have you tried X, or X’

I really wanted to snap and say I’d tried anything and nothing was working so I didn’t need it rubbing in my face that your angel sleeps through all night!! Instead, being the person I am I thanked them for the advice and went home to cry!!

I felt like I was doing nothing but cry! I cancelled my social life most the time and didn’t even want to go out the house. I was so tired I sometimes didn’t even know how to function! But I still had to go to work for a 12 hour day!! I was so run down and my husband tried to give me a rest on a weekend but he couldn’t carry him so sat on the floor with him to feed him but as soon as he cried I woke.

After a year we tried even more things but he was still waking between 3-5 times a night. He did however have a week where he slept through every night!!! It was bliss and I felt so much better!! (Even though my body woke me up in the night and I had to check on him)

He’s now 2, guess what? He’s still not sleeping through. I have a single mattress on his floor at the moment trying him to get to sleep in his own room again (as he’s been in our bed poorly for 3 weeks) he’s woken 3 times a night the past 3 nights and that scream and cry makes me so sad!

I know my family and friends understand most the time why some nights I just can’t be bothered to do anything!! (Although I am always doing something) but I do feel when you become a mummy your life changes forever, you loose friends, you loose yourself, and you loose control sometimes (a few weeks ago I was that tired I got in the back of my car and looked for the steering wheel!)

As a Mum, we carry on!! I still smile and take any advice given, I still get up with him during the night so my hubby doesn’t have to. I still love my family and friends (even if I don’t speak everyday) I am still me!! I just have a bigger priority right now.

I hope one day I will be the one giving advice to someone else about how to get your baby to sleep! But for now! The mattress on the floor will do for us. X

Ups and downs of Our family business

As many of you know, we have a family business and it’s a small family business, my dad started it 13 years ago along side his other business and I took it over 6 years ago. My husband joined us 2 years ago to give me more time to spend with our little boy. It’s been working well and also meant my dad isn’t doing most of the work alone. The industry we are in means we are busy on a weekend.

The good sides of owning your own business is that, when needed, you can take time out to nip to a school play, you can go in late if you have to sort something at home in the morning, you can have an early dart if your going out (most the time) you can……who am I kidding?!?! There’s not many at all!!!! In fact it’s so hard, I sometimes wonder if I will be better off signing on the dole?!

You can go off early or come in late, as long as a customer is not waiting for you, or you have things that need to be sent out first thing, or parcels arriving. You have to make sure someone is there at all times during opening hours so we have to work together.

We have to take any customer who turns up, as we need the money to pay the bills!! We have to make sure that we don’t book too much work in if we do take a day off!! Never mind a week!! But you have to make sure you get enough work in to make sure you can still pay the bills!!

You have to continuously keep on top of the customers work, if you don’t they may blame you for something going wrong and maybe not call again! You have to work everyday that something needs doing (7 days a week, 12 hour days) you have to work all the hours to make sure a customer goes away satisfied then you have to spend a couple of weeks (after the 30day payment period) begging for that customer that’s just driven in with a new flash car to pay for the work you did over a month ago so you can feed your family! (Or in some cases , beg for the thousands of pounds, to be told the company has gone into liquidation so you get nothing.)

Sometimes i sit and think why?! Why did I choose this life?! Then I look at my boy and I know why!!! It might not all be roses and millions now…..(it will never be millions) but one day it will be worth it and I will never regret the choices we’ve made!! Or the time we’ve spent!! I just hope it will be worth it later on in life!!! 💙💖

Praise the NHS

A lot of people slate the NHS and say they don’t do things right, I know sometimes mistakes happen and when it comes to someone’s life I guess mistakes can’t happen!! But all I can say is from My/our experience.

I for one think they are amazing!!!

When my husband had his accident the nurses and surgeons, not only made my husband comfortable, but also made sure we (his family) were ok with what was happening, we were comfortable while sleeping in the waiting room, providing us with pillows and blankets. They made sure we knew we could ask them anything and they would be honest.

When I was in the intensive care room with him on my own every nurse that was in with him also ALWAYS talked to me like a friend! Held my hand when I cried, however they also respected my space when I was talking to him or just wanted to sit with him in peace, sometimes I was in the room and forgot they were even stood behind me! They made me feel so at ease with it all.

The one night (the second time we had been told he might not make it through the night) he was going into theatre and the surgeon came in and explained that there was a 20% chance that he would make this operation, so they told all of us (there were 8 of us in total) to all go into his room and say our goodbyes. They were all sympathetic but also knew when my husband health overrode our needs.

Each nurse got to know him and us and when we went back to hospital a few months after he came out. They were all lovely and so pleased to see him.

Like I said this is purely my opinion, I know some people have bad experiences and that’s their opinion, but for me, I don’t think we praise the NHS enough! 💗

Our wedding song.

When we were looking for songs to have our first dance to, we wanted a song that was significant to us and everything we had been through. We listened to the typical wedding songs, but none really sounded right. After many nights of listening to songs we found one that we could relate to.

We got the lyrics up and both said “yes! This is the one!!” We could relate to every word!

While Darran was in intensive care, the nurses would ask me questions about him, about us, our future, I always knew it would be a beautiful future with him, and in that moment of sadness, weakness and trauma, it was lovely that I could speak to the nurses and tell them the plans we had and what we had already done in our life. I was Darrans voice when he couldn’t speak. Watching the world just pass by in front of me, I would tell him what the weather was like, what was happening in the outside world, I was his eyes when he couldn’t see.

I stood by him from day one and there was know where else I would want to be. Even when he woke up he told me to leave him, he knew life wasn’t the same, and he didn’t want to drag me down. I always saw the best in him and knew we would be ok!

I will always remember the day when he had to try and dress himself, I was always pushing him to do things I believed he could, so the day came and we both tried to put his socks and trousers on. He cried, I cried, the sock was half on and trousers still laid across the hospital chair. It was hard, but I knew it was only the start. We had a cuddle and tried again. It took all day trying but we got there. He believed in me and I believed in him.

Doctors and surgeons always told me Darran would be a very lucky man to ever leave the hospital! I knew he would and I knew we would leave together to put all our future plans into action!

They all said he would be in a wheelchair all his life and wouldn’t work again. ‘We will see’ was my only thought. One day at a time. Once he woke up he got stronger each day.

There were days he had lost all faith, until I got to the hospital and said ‘you can’ we would talk and I would leave the hospital knowing he was a lot more positive!

So, when it came to picking our wedding song, this was the only one that described ‘US’.

Because you loved me

By Celine Dion”

For all those times you stood by me

For all the truth that you made me see

For all the joy you brought to my life

For all the wrong that you made right

For every dream you made come true

For all the love I found in you

I’ll be forever thankful baby

You’re the one who held me up

Never let me fall

You’re the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when I was weak

You were my voice when I couldn’t speak

You were my eyes when I couldn’t see

You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach

You gave me faith ’cause you believed

I’m everything I am

Because you loved me

Ooh, baby

You gave me wings and made me fly

You touched my hand, I could touch the sky

I lost my faith, you gave it back to me

You said no star was out of reach

You stood by me and I stood tall

I had your love, I had it all

I’m grateful for each day you gave me

Maybe I don’t know that much

But I know this much is true

I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak

You were my voice when I couldn’t speak

You were my eyes when I couldn’t see

You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach

You gave me faith ’cause you believed

I’m everything I am

Because you loved me

You were always there for me

The tender wind that carried me

A light in the dark shining your love into my life

You’ve been my inspiration

Through the lies you were the truth

My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak

You were my voice when I couldn’t speak

You were my eyes when I couldn’t see

You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach

You gave me faith ’cause you believed

I’m everything I am

Because you loved me

You were my strength when I was weak

You were my voice when I couldn’t speak

(My voice.)

You were my eyes when I couldn’t see

You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach

You gave me faith ’cause you believed

I’m everything I am

Because you loved me

I’m everything I am

Because you loved me

Missing out?

Sometimes I feel like I’m missing out on things we as a couple or family should be doing. Simple things like walking down the street holding hands, just because we can. My hubby picking my little boy up and putting him on his shoulders or just carrying him to bed. It really upsets me that when my little boy grows up and wants to learn to drive, my hubby won’t be able to take him or teach him. There’s always one thing I think of each week that I get down about because my hubby can’t do, we can’t do. Then I realise….I should be happy and very grateful that he’s still here and we get to share special moments together. It could be worse right?!