When I was pregnant with my little boy, I decided I was going to breastfeed him (well I didn’t know if he was a boy or girl at this point) I knew I wanted to give my baby ‘the best start in life’ I kept reading everywhere that ‘breast was best’ it gave baby the best nutritions and helped their brain, it was better bonding time too, it was all positive comments. What it NEVER mentions online is that it hurts, it can cause bruising, baby can bite you, it can be sore for days, breastfeeding can reduce you to tears! 

Most new mummy’s are pressured into breastfeeding, I remember saying to a midwife, I’m going to try and breastfeed….before I could finish her reply was ‘if you WANT to do it, you WILL’ I didn’t speak much that appointment, my previous midwifes were lovely and gave me all the leaflets, what to do if you were Considering  it, how to help yourself, to help baby. Suddenly I felt like I had no choice! I had to do it! I wanted to…so I had to do everything I could to do it. 

When baby arrived, I tried, the midwives were so helpful and guided me through every step, a few times they asked if I would consider giving him a bottle but that wasn’t an option in my head..’breast is best!’ The first 3 days were awful, he wouldn’t latch, he wouldn’t stay in the same position, he was biting and I bruised a lot! I was so sore, thinking ‘it’s worth it’ it’s best for baby!! On the 4th day I tried him again and I couldn’t bare him even near my boobs, it was black and blue, I cried, a lot!! I didn’t want to call the midwife or my husband, I felt a failure, I couldn’t give my child ‘the best’ he wouldn’t develop like breast fed babies! I can’t bond with him properly…everything was going through my mind! 

I sobbed my heart out to this little human being laid in my arms, this little human that was relaying on me! He was relying on me to look after him, to give him the best in life, to not let him down! My husband walked in and asked what was wrong and I cried and told him.  He said it was ok, it was nothing to worry about, I had given our little boy the best already and I was not letting him down. 

I called the midwife and they gave me a bottle to give him. I was so much less stressed, I knew how much milk he was getting, surely him being fed through a bottle was better than not being fed at all!! I wasn’t sore (well after a while I wasn’t) I still got to bond with him while feeding, often feeding skin to skin just to give him that extra bond. My husband got to feed him and have this amazing bond too! 

Breastfeeding is stressful and as a working mum who went back to full time work within a month of having him, i soon realised breast wasn’t best for OUR family at that time. No mother should feel pressured to or not to breastfeed. It started with ME wanting to try it, and ended on him on bottles. 

If your lucky enough to breastfeed, I salute you, it’s hard, but even if you bottle feed, I salute you too…it’s not about all you see in headlines what’s BEST. You do what’s BEST for you and your family! My little boy will always have the best life! He is loved, fed well and our little treasure! (I’m not saying don’t breast feed or don’t give it a go) with my next child I will try again, but this time I won’t be made to feel like a failure if I can’t do it! I did BREAST, then I did what was BEST. 🍼

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